For Such A Worm As I

{Start.} It was almost raining as I headed down my driveway.  I say almost, it actually had been raining off and on all day, but now the rain had paused again and I was heading out into the grayness for a lovely walk down our gravel lane.  I used to dislike rain, but due to Kyrie's love of it, I have grown to like it as well.     The sky was overcast and wonderful and I watched a new calf scampering in the windiness across the pasture.  It stopped in surprise as a flash of lightning snaked down the sky a few miles away.     I didn't know how long I had before the clouds would open up again, but I was enjoying the walk.  I turned around at my grandparent's house.  I had to get something from inside and when I was ready to leave I could hear a downpour.  I debated whether to stay inside 'til it slacked up a little, but I decided since it was so warm to just enjoy it and run home.  Besides, I had my umbrella.    I c...

{Start.}   When I was a child, oatmeal was "weekday breakfast fare" and on Saturdays, Mother fixed a "special breakfast."  One of the "special foods" was bacon which, somewhere along the line, creative Kyrie or myself decided we would pretend was scorpion.  Was this because of the imaginative play that my Mother inspired through the crafts and play things she would provide?  Or was it because novel ideas, far away places, and exotic foods were part of our growing up and our heritage?     My grandparents were missionaries in three South American countries for about 34 years all told.  Missionary blood is in my veins, and bacon, with it's well-done curling "endpoints" looked a whole lot like the tails of the scorpions on the traveling shows we would watch on Sunday evenings after church with my Dad.  My mother grew up on the mission field, she would read missionary stories to Ky and myself as we were growing up, "the world" was at our...

{Start.}   My family and I live about 45 minutes from the sea.  Yes, I mean the ocean, that gigantic body of water that surrounds every single continent on this earth and if I was to get in a boat I could (hypothetically) travel to any people group or place on this planet.  (It's a pretty astounding thought to me.)   Today, my Mother and I traveled to a certain coastal town to attend a funeral and later to do some shopping.  While we were shopping I found myself coming into contact with four unrelated, physically disabled people.     Most people who know me, know that I am currently pursuing a degree as a physical therapist assistant.  Disabilities draw me and I found myself longing to go up to those people and tell them how much they are valued, how special they are in the eyes of their Creator, how much I would love to get to know them as a friend and unique individual.  But instead, I stood in my spot in the checkout line, wishing, wo...

  Lamentations 3:18-21, "And I said, My strength and my hope is perished from the LORD:  Remembering mine affliction and my misery, the wormwood and the gall.  My soul hath them still in remembrance, and is humbled in me.  This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope ."   Lamentations 3:24, "The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him."     Lamentations 3:26, "It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD."  {Start.} Hope.  We use the word so much in American English. "I hope I don't get stuck in traffic."  "I hope my family gets to make it for Christmas." "I hope my dinner isn't burned when I get home."  The words here in Lamentations penned by Jeremiah (the Weeping Prophet) aren't the same, though.  In Jeremiah's case, he knew that God was One in Whom he could trust, one that never fails nor lets His people down.     When we put our hope in...

{Start.}   As a young, single woman, I was not very comfortable with seeing the word for the day, but instead of trying to conjure up some kind of made-up thoughts about it, here I go:   With every New Years' Eve, with every birthday eve, with every "just because" moment that comes randomly, I face this word, this idea: Perhaps.  Perhaps this will be the year I get married, perhaps this will be the time that I meet the man I will marry, perhaps, perhaps, on and on.    This "perhaps-ing" can be emotionally exhausting and can leave a heart raw and desperate.  It is not my God's will that this be the case with me.  Yes, I desire marriage one day, when He is ready, but for today, I am His to serve Him with courage and fervor.    Marriage is not the fix-all cure for what ails a girl.  I used to think it was.  Jesus Christ is the Only Fix-All and with Him as my Guide, I can face and move forward with the life He has for me Today, Now....

{Start.}   It was just Kyrie and me growing up and, man, did we get into some scraps sometimes!  I remember one day we had been "at each other" and my mother exercised great wisdom in how she dealt with us.     At that point, we were living in a house that had a long closet surrounded by hallway.  Hard to imagine, sorry, but suffice it to say, she put Kyrie at one end and me at the other and told us to stay there 'til she let us get up.  We weren't supposed to talk to each other or move from our spots.  Somewhere after the first fifteen seconds, we were soon trying to regain contact with one another scooting as far off of our "spots" as we could and as close to each other as we could, whispering and wanting to get up and play again.  Finally, Mama came back through and we asked her if we could get up.  Only if we were going to play nicely together, she said, and we very eagerly agreed.   So many other times when Mama would send...

{Start.}   "I was in a wreck today."    We were setting up for a baby shower in the church fellowship hall.  Ms. Lucille had said it so calmly.  There she was, walking around, talking, working.     "Oh, that's not fun," a friend said as she arranged the chicken salad sandwiches.  It sounded like car crashes were a broken fingernail.  I know she didn't mean it that way, but now as I think back, isn't it amazing?  I mean, there we were standing and doing together, and Ms. Lucille had been in a wreck.  Thankfully, the Lord had protected her and kept her safe, but we passed over the matter so quickly.  Soon we were moving to the pigs in a blanket and setting up the punch table.     It's shamefully amazing how easily I overlook the Lord's mercy upon me.  I've sometimes thought as I'm driving, "Wow! That was close!" and yet I and the other people live to see another day and continue on down the highway without say...

{Start.} Sometimes singleness can feel like a long silence.  A space of nothingness when no real activity is going on and waiting is basically all that is occurring.  On the other hand, recently the Lord has helped me with just getting up and getting on with doing things that count for eternity.     He has inspired such a wonderful zeal and passion again with my precious little class of Cubbies during Awana on Wednesday nights.     He has given me such a sweet group of ladies to corral these squirming, curious, loving, active little bodies and I feel so blessed.    Not that this time of singleness is so wonderful that I am perfectly content with being single for the rest of my life.  Yes, I really would like to be married someday (soon, preferably!).  Yes, I really would like to be a mother with little darlings of my own to raise for the glory of God, but until then, with the Lord's help, I give up this silence for Him to fill ...

{Start.} Every time I go in the campus library, I inevitably see or encounter one of the happiest people I ever remember meeting.  I call her "Miss Iris".  She's perky, sweet, and is either smiling, laughing, or about to.  She works at her job efficiently and is constantly inquiring about her coworkers or other students on campus.  I absolutely love her, with her encouraging and contagious bubbly laugh and smiling face.   Isn't joy an absolutely wonderful thing?  It's probably one of the only things {that we might rightly} envy.  When another person has joy, it makes it "want-able".    True joy comes from knowing Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord.  Things may provide happiness for a short time, but eventually their pleasure fades.  Knowing Jesus produces a joy that surpasses circumstances and situations.  We read this in Paul's letter to the church at Philippi in {his book called} Philippians.  Time after time, Paul exhibits...

{Start.}   "This is Serenity.  I call her Ren,"  my little chocolate-chip-cookie girl grinned up at me.  Her friend stood beside her looking awkward and uncertain.  Her bangs were choppy and her face was chubby.  Her clothes reeked of nicotine.     "How old are you, Serenity?" I asked trying to make the little girl feel comfortable.   "Four," she said.   "Wow!" I was surprised. "You're tall!"     During the evening as we moved through the pledges, song time, color time, puppet time, and lesson time, I tried to make an effort with her as well as my other Cubbies .  She was shy, a little unsure. I sensed that some of the people around didn't think much of her.  I didn't like that, but I could also sense a bit of aloofness coming up in me.     Value.  This precious little child has so much value in the eyes of the Heavenly Father.  She was here, right in my class room!  I got to teach her ab...

                          A Prayer {Start.}   Oh Father, I am so fickle.  I remind myself of the wave of the sea that James wrote about.  {James 1:5-8.} How ashamed I am of what I see myself to be!    As if I could play with Your trustworthiness! I seem to have one of those little yard flowers in my hand, but instead of "He loves me", I say, "I trust Him, I trust Him not" with every pinch of those precious petals.  Oh, how horrid, this wave that is me! Oh Father, is there still cure for one like me?     You are the One Who said to the wind and the waves, "Peace, be still."  Can You calm me?  Not that I wonder if You can, but would You please?     You are the One Who walked out on those waves and had no fear of falling through them.  You are the Master of all waves.  Master me.  Overco...

{Start.}   I examine my toenails.  The paint's so chipped, I should take it off soon.     I've been missing keeping up with my guitar.  The callouses on my fingertips aren't what they should be.          Temporary.     Nail polish and callouses: temporary.     What if what I'm spending most of my life doing is temporal?      Is it?      It's a shuddering-hard question to face.  When all of this life is up for me, will I have spent it on things amounting to sawdust....or jewels?      The things we do for Christ and with His strength aren't temporary.  They last forever.  They are what I really want to be doing.      Sometimes I imagine, from reading His Word, coming up to His Throne with my head bent low when I finally reach His Presence, coming up to His feet and having piles of jewels, (time well-sp...

 1 Timothy 5:17, "Let the elders that rule well be counted worthy of double honour, especially they who labour in the word and doctrine." 1 Thessalonians 5:12-13, "And we beseech you, brethren, to know them which labour among you, and are over you in the Lord, and admonish you; And to esteem them very highly in love for their work's sake. And be at peace among yourselves."  {Start.} The word honorable can go in so many directions, but what I think of now in this month of October, is how much honor is due my pastors.  This is Pastor Appreciation month, the time we typically take at our church to express gratitude and love to our godly leaders.  It shouldn't be just a one-time-a-year thing, though.  My pastors are so worthy of honor for all the love and hard work they have put into the ministry God has given them.   Bro. Earl is so dear to our family.  He has patiently, lovingly lead and taught the flock of God for years now and how much I want to bless ...

Romans 12:15, "Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep." It's amazing how having multiple social connections can make a person feel so many emotions on the same day.  Today, that's me.   My best friend told me about sad news from their pastor friend's family.  Due to conflict in the area where he lives, some of his family is leaving to go to what they hope is a safer location.  How they need prayer! My friend Johnna is beginning a courtship at the tender age of 18 years old.  Every text conversation we have invariably centers on the excitement of this time in her life.  She's so happy and in love, but she needs my prayers for her for wisdom and purity as she and her young man get to know each other better. My friend Gracia is getting married in less than a month, after being single for awhile.  It seems unreal that the Lord has finally brought her to this time in her life and I am both super-excited for her joy and sad thin...

{Start.} Worthy is the King of creation! Worthy is the Lamb, the Son of God, Who was killed for our sins and raised back to life after three days! Worthy of honor and dominion and might and power! Worthy of glory and praise!  My God reigns and He is so worthy!    How often do I give to Him the praise and glory due Him, though?  The Bible says that one day, every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father, but how much bowing of my knees and humbling of my heart do I do before Him now?  Not nearly what He's worth!      Recently, though, He has again encouraged my heart in the matter of prayer to approach His Throne of Grace more often and to obtain mercy and help in my times of need.  Before I meet those times of need, though, I ought to be giving Him my {undistressed moments of} time--He's definitely worth it! After all, how much He has done for me even though I was completely unworthy...

{Start.} What do I have to offer my God?  He doesn't need anything that I can give Him and all that I have has come from His hand, so it's not that I have anything of my own self that He doesn't have.  It's all His. Yet there are two things that I am thinking of that I must give and offer to Him. First is my praise. Throughout the Bible and especially in the Psalms, the Bible commands God's people to give Him the praise due to His name.  His name is worthy, holy, righteous, trustworthy, pure, faithful, and a strong tower for His people.  Therefore I must give to Him my songs of praise, my words of praise, and a life of praise.  This will involve getting to know Him through spending time reading His precious words written down for me and in meditation and communication with Him in quiet alone moments throughout each day. The second thing I must offer my Lord is my life.  All of it.  I have started reading Andrew Murray's Absolute Surrender {You can get...

Yay! It's Friday and I'm joining up with the fun "gaggle" of writers at Kate Motaung's place! Check out that corner of the blogosphere for some wonderful posts on Green!  We're also continuing with Day 16 of October's Write 31!  {Start.} Green reminds me of yesterday when I went for a "jaunt" with my dear Mother over the pastures that suround our house.  Her cousin is a cattleman and the fields he owns often call to me to run over them with full-out abandon, only thing is, I rarely do for the lack of decorum it would show. (ha!)  But yesterday, we decided to go for a trek across the green.  It was a beautiful afternoon and we had a wonderful time walking together, not necessarily talking, just being in companionship, sometimes commenting about how things have grown up or changed.     It's all my great-grandfather's land, so beautiful, so rolling, so peaceful.  I love this land, this full-of-green-ness.  My cousin has taken such good car...

{Start.} In preparation for writing this post, I got to thinking about the different laughs of my family members.  Just remembering them, made me start smiling and laughing myself!  There's the hnck, hnck, hnck of my Uncle Alvin when he laughs, the deep, amused laugh that bubbles out of my Aunt Edna, the squint-your-eyes-and-wrinkle-your-nose full-out laughter when my Dad finds something really hilarious and the clap-your-hands-with-delight laugh of my Mother, and the laugh-until-your-sides-are-hurting-and-you're-crying laugh of Kyrie's.  I remember my Grandmother's laugh how it would sometimes start out high-pitch and then taper down in such an endearing way and also the way she would chuckle sometimes and wriggle her shoulders if she'd made some "typically-her" remark (like how she didn't look cute when she took her teeth out!).  There was the sarcastic/forced laugh of my dear Grandfather when he would be trying to get the grandkids' attention, ...

{Start.} I got to have my first memorable experience with flying in 2011.  I say "first memorable" because, up until that time, any flying I had done had been as a baby, too little to remember.  When our church took a missions trip to Trinidad in June of 2011, I joined the ranks of "flyers" and was ecstatic with the whole expereince.  I loved looking out the window, gazing at the islands or beautiful ocean below.  If neither of those sights were available, I could gaze for miles out at puffy white clouds.  All of these pointed me to my Awesome Creator!  A family verse used in flying is Deuteronomy 33:27, "The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms:"  My God is always available; He always keeps me.     Psalm 91:4 says of my Lord that, "He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust:", showing the comparison of my Lord being the mighty protector like the mother birds He created....

{Start.} As little as I want to admit it, I have come to the conclusion that I am not a vey patient person.  I hope that other people will give me the time I need to formulate my thoughts and express them verbally, but when others need the same amount of time, sad to say, I find myself sometimes looking at the clock or anxiously wondering if they will ever be able to get it all out.  Thankfully, my Heavenly Father is not at all like this.  He is so patient with me.  After all these years, He continues to keep me and let me take as long as I need to get out one thought to Him, or, (even more monumental!), learn and re-learn and re-re-learn (that's probably not a word) lessons that He patiently presents and teaches me.  I remarked to my best friend once that the books written by the Apostle Peter, (1 & 2 Peter) must have been written for me.  Peter constantly uses words like, "Remember" and "I'm writing to remind you".  I'm such a forgetful person on...

  Psalm 107:23-31, "They that go down to the sea in ships, that do business in great waters; These see the works of the LORD, and his wonders in the deep. For he commandeth, and raiseth the stormy wind, which lifteth up the waves thereof. They mount up to the heaven, they go down again to the depths: their soul is melted because of trouble. They reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man, and are at their wits' end. Then they cry unto the LORD in their trouble, and he bringeth them out of their distresses. He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still. Then are they glad because they be quiet; so he bringeth them unto their desired haven. Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!"  {Start.}   There haven't been many storms in my lifetime that have made me greatly afraid.  I live near the Gulf Coast, so my family was once threatened with a hurricane making landfall, but nothing signif...

{Start}  "Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for him," my Mother quoted with her precious wisdom.  I had confided in her some of my stuggles and, oh!, what a good thing it was to divide the burden!    What a blessing it is to be able to rest in the Lord.     My precious friend with whom I have been spending time lately doesn't know this rest.   She is so sweet and friendly and nice, but she doesn't know my God and my heart grieves because of it.    How can I communicate to her that I want so desperately that she know the Lord I know? that she serve the God I serve?   How can I convey to her how much He means to me? how great and wonderful He is? how awesome and restful is being in His presence?   I can't on my own ability.  For this, too, I must rest in my precious Lord.     He loves my friend far more than I ever could. He has brought her to America, far from her homeland, and I greatly desire that He coul...

{Start}   I really have been struggling with trusting the Lord for some reason.    All these things have piled up in my life and I haven't just turned them over to my Great and All-Capable, Loving Father as I should have.     I've gotten so stressed out and it's time to return.  I am ready to be rid of all these things and, with empty arms, again reach up to my Father and worship Him like He deserves.   You see, when my arms are filled with "my things" and "my worries" trying to juggle them keeps me so distracted that I can't pay attention to my Worthy Lord.  And, wow, do I feel yucky-sick inside because of it!   So, I'm ready to come back.   I look at the "now" and am confused and unable: it's time to give it up. I'm ready.    I look at the "yet to come" and am uncertain and easily concermed about it: it's time to surrender all of that to my Father.  I'm ready.   I find that I am unable to give it all up, to s...

{Start}   There is never a time not to trust in the Lord.     This reality is being hammered home to me recently and I am bettered because of it.     As I look across the spectrum of "life" from childhood, to young adulthood, to old age, there are so many factors and causes of stress that it could be so easy to worry oneself to death and be stressed constantly!  These facts don't help me out; instead, they raise my blood pressure and cause a whole host of other physical maladies.     I see something totally different from the Bible, however.  When I look there, I realize that my Heavenly Father loves me, knows about my needs and the transitory nature of this world, knows that stress and difficult situations abound, and tells me to "trust" in Him.     Why?  It's so much easier to worry and stress out!  But He tells me this for my good.     He loves me.  He wants me to be at peace even...

  "Oh! then repeat the truth that never tires;    No God is like the God my soul desires;    He at whose voice heaven trembles, even He,    Great as He is, knows how to stoop to me."                                  Charles H. Spurgeon,   Morning and Evening Daily Readings, p.544 {Start.} P ure at heart U ndefiled R ight with Almighty God P leasing in His sight through Jesus' blood L oved by a merciful Father E ternally secure in His arms How can a Holy God love me?  I get upset so easily at those who offend. When my own fist connects solidly with my jaw, I find I cannot blame them if it is only their glove on my hand. Where does forgiveness come from when confidence has been broken? From Christ alone Who has forgiven me. In whom can I find peace when the world I have neatly concocted is raveling to shreds? In Christ alone Who has my life safely, securely in...

{Start.}  What can I write about love when all the loves in the world pale so quickly?  Yet this I know: there is one Love, above all others that I cling to and that holds me unendingly.  This love is the love of my Savior Jesus Christ which He has so lavished upon me.  I am overwhelmed and amazed at the way He loves me despite all my unlovableness.  In talking to a young friend, I was again reminded of how wonderful this Love, my Love Jesus Christ, is compared to all men, and all people.  He is slow to get angry with me  He promises that he will never leave me {and keeps His promises}  He provides for my needs now and has a house in preparation for me for when I leave this earth  He protects me from evil now and in my heart  He loves me and my family no matter what  He knows all my friends and loves them too  He is not jealous of me in any way, but wants the best for me  He gives Himself sacrificially.  First He died...

Luke 18:27, "And he said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God." {Start.} After what I have seen the Lord accomplish in the past few days, I'm excited.  Never would I have been able to have boasted that I could have accomplished the miracle that He has brought about!     Before last Saturday, I didn't even know a problem existed in my friends' lives, and yet my Lord did.  Now I see the problem laying in His capable hands and am enthused. What is there that I need to be praying about that He can fix next?     I'm like a child, excited to see her parent's mending abilities, she eagerly looks around for the next project, the next request, the next transformation-to-be.  I realize that excitement and hype don't last forever.  The "next mending project" may be painful.  It may take a long time.  This one didn't for some reason, but there is still much to pray about as my friends heal.  Yes, things are ...

{Start}   Home is such a nice word to me.  It conjures up a myriad of memories and warm feelings.  It is the place I like best to sleep at at night.  It is where those I love the dearest are.  It is where I get to eat my favorite foods.  It is the place that has seen me grow up and mature into a woman.     Home does not mean the same thing for everyone, though.  Today I got to witness that firsthand.  I was visiting a rehabilitation center with some friends from my church.  One of the ladies in the group was sharing a Bible lesson and I was sitting listening on a couch with another friend.  Suddenly my friend nudged me.  Across the room, one lady was crying quietly under her breath.  I didn't know what to do and remainded where I was for a few minutes but then I decided to get up and go over.  What a sad experience she is having right now.  Obviously, she has been removed from her home for some reason, ...

Nahum 1:7, "The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him." {Start} My pastor finished his sermon and the closing song began to play.  I closed my eyes in prayer and bent my head to sing and pray.  Finally I looked up. There were several people who had come for prayer to the front of the church.  Several dear couples were congregating in one spot, leaning on each other and praying together.  I bowed my head again. "Lord, bring a revival to Your churches! This is exciting!" I looked up, the group was dispersing.  The couples were hugging each other and--oh my!--Who is that?!! It's my friends!  They were the ones down there praying!! My friends over whose marriage I was so troubled last week! My friends whose home the Lord is tenderly mending again.   Again and again, another moved in to embrace the precious couple, showing love like only the Body of Christ can.  What a beautiful picture! I could n...

The words came like a shock, like a giant fist punching me right in the stomach.   I gaped: She's leaving him?   My friend, leaving her husband, her children?   How can this be?  When did all this happen?  How could I not have been aware that this was going on? I reeled.    Praying and crying punctuated the next few days.  Questions, rethinking things, could I have done something? could I have been a better friend?  Oh, God, cause her husband to recapture her heart!  A text from a friend: Please be praying for me.  Somewhere along the line, I have slipped in my relationship with the Lord.  I don't know how it happened.    Oh, God, capture this precious sister's heart again!  Show her how great You are and how loving! Recapture her heart with Your great one!  I search my own heart.  "If I acknowledge iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me."  The song plays over in my hea...

 Start.  Today I got to have lunch with three of my sisters and one of my brothers.  It'd been awhile since I had gotten to see any of them, and wow!, I just got so excited being with them again!     But maybe I should tell you, they aren't my parents children, nor are they their adopted children.  I'm related to these siblings of mine through a special bond we have in Jesus Christ.     You see, the Bible says that anyone who has realized that they are a sinner and repented of their wrongdoing, believing in Jesus Christ, that He died and rose again from the dead, can be forgiven and adopted into God's family.  So, all four of these dear people are my brothers and sisters through the bond we share in Jesus Christ!     It was such a blessing to spend time with these dear siblings!  My brother makes me swell with delight and happiness as I see what the Lord is doing in his heart and life!  My sisters, so dear a...

( Write 31 is a division of Five Minute Friday {which I have become addicted to!}.  Throughout the month of October, writers all over the blogo-sphere get to write for five minutes each day based on a selected word provided by the Five Minute Friday team!  I didn't do it last year, but this year, I hope to keep up with it as much as possible!)  So here we go, trying my hand at Calling: When I heard that the topic was going to be Calling, I automatically thought of the verse in the Bible that says, "I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus" penned by Paul in Philippians 3:14.  But when I was talking to my mother about the topic, she brought to my mind my favorite Bible story about the young man Samuel, dedicated to the service of God's house.  Early in Samuel's life, the Lord visited him at night calling out to him and saying, "Samuel, Samuel!"  The boy didn't know what was going on, first going to his teacher...

 I'm preparing for a children's lesson on the Creation account from the Biblical book of Genesis.   I've read these verses so many times that sometimes coming back to such familiar phrases can fly under the radar of a dulled brain.  I believe that the Word of God is alive and able to make me alive.  Based on that fact, I /must/ see something new here.  Only the Lord can make that happen though.  And He does!  Seconds into reading, I find these words, "And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters."  Genesis 1:2.   "Mmmm," I shudder. "everywhere was darkness. And it covered the deep."   Those two words, "darkness" and "deep" aren't very pleasant to me. I don't like to think of myself as a "scaredy-cat" but thinking about deep water is like thinking about heights: I'm not a fan.  Sure, I love to swim and can sw...